April Fools
by the13thgraduate
Summary: Kelso thinks it's April Fools, but it's not.


**I don't own _That '70s__ Show._**

* * *

April FOOLS

Kelso looked around the old basement, trying to figure out something he could do. No one was there with him. Eric and Donna were always together more than ever now that they were engaged. They were always at her house, doing "it". Or they would be in his room, still doing "it." Then there were the times they were fighting, which wasn't even fun anymore because instead of how it used to be (Donna beating him up, or Donna storming away in a huff), it now ended with them doing "it!" It just wasn't any fair. Like, the other day Eric ditched some ugly man-ring Donna had given him, they did this thing Kelso never heard of called "talking thing out." Like, who does that?!

Physiatrists?!

And then they did "it."

And Kelso hated thinking about a woman, namely Donna, sleeping with someone who wasn't him, namely Eric.

Yeah, Eric was one of his best friends- and nothin' would ever change that. And yeah, Donna was his friend too, like, ole' jugs a poppin' had her good points like her boobs and her strength (she's great to have on your side during a bar fight)…but it still got to him that she was the only girl under 25 that he hadn't scored with! Like, come ON!

He scored with multiple women! He'd done it with friends, sisters, mother and daughter combos, but he couldn't get this one girl into bed with him? And why? 'Cause of _Eric_? Kelso just couldn't understand it. Eric was very thin, had small wrists, twitchy, had weird-big eyes and between the sheets did the same play almost religiously! How could Donna pass him up to be with that?

He couldn't understand it.

Just like how Jackie left him for Hyde. Now yeah, Hyde is a much better catch than Eric. He has that whole "bad boy" thing goin' on, which Jackie has had a thing for ever since she saw The Fonz put on a leather jacket. But Kelso thought he was still much more better looking than Hyde. Like, yeah, Hyde had the baby blues that would put a woman to her knees, but he had the sculpted features of Greek Statues. Fez even said so. Also, Hyde had an 'alright' bod, but he himself worked out an hour on weekdays and double that amount on weekends to "keep in shape." And yeah, it was required by the academy, but it made him look smokin'.

But Jackie was still by Hyde's side, not giving him a second look.

And right now they were at the mall- shopping.

A year ago he'd never would've imagined it.

Hyde.

Shopping.

With Jackie!

It just sounded weird, but it was true.

And then there was his little buddy Fez. He was with Nina. They were doing "it" too.

He didn't want to tell Fez, in case it was not true, but he was pretty sure he was in a threesome with Nina one of the times Jackie broke up with him before. But he knew how sensitive Fez was to news like that so he kept it under wraps.

But it just burned him up that everybody was doing "it" except him and he was the King of Doing "It." All anyone had to do was ask any girl he'd been with and they'd tell them that he was a fantastic lover!

So…why was he still alone?

What was going on with everybody around him?

Kelso sat down on the couch. He just couldn't believe all this was cause of, well, love. Maybe it had something to do with it, but it couldn't be ALL love. That was just crazy talk. Now maybe, maybe it was all a prank.

Kelso stood up, figuring it all out in his head. With a growing smile he knew what was going on: It was all a Prank! Everybody was teaming up and getting him back from Prank Day! Eric and Donna, Jackie and Hyde, even Fez and Nina were "being together" more and leaving him alone not because they were in love! It was because they were all playing a prank on him! With a dopey smile on his face, Kelso shoved his hands in his back pockets, laughing, "And to think I was lonely 'cause I thought everyone else was in love! Ha! How dumb do they think I am?"

Soon the basement door opened and Fez stepped in, a wide smile on his face as he shut the door and did a little song and dance number as he sang, "Guess who did it!" Once he stopped tapping his feet, he added, "With Nina." He then bowed before grabbing a magazine from on top of the radio before sitting down in Kelso's usual seat.

Kelso just kept grinning at him.

Fez then looked up from the magazine, confused, "Kelso? Why are you smiling?" Fez then jumped up excitedly, "Did Willy Wonka mail us back about the new candy flavor?!"

Kelso shook his head, still smiling.

Fez guessed, still excited, "Barbara Streisand finally acknowledges me?!"

Kelso continued shaking his head, his smile growing.

Fez asked, his excitement still there, "We got accepted to be Price is Right contestants?!"

Kelso gave him a light punch on the shoulder, laughing, "As if you didn't know, you old prankster you!"

Fez's smile dropped, "What?"

Kelso took a step backwards, "Oh, you got me. Got me pretty good too. I was here, feeling all lonely…but then I cracked the case. See Fez, one cannot trick a keen scientific mind as mine."

Fez made a face, "Kelso, have you been dipping into da stash without me again?"

Soon Eric and Donna were running down the stairs, Donna chasing after him playfully. Eric hopped on top of the couch and back down to the cement floor, laughing, "Yer not gonna get me, Pinciotti!"

Donna shoved Kelso out of the way and he landed on the couch with a thick thud. She then bulldozed her way passed Fez, trying to get Eric within her reach. But the scrawny neighbor boy ran around the couch and straight toward the washer and dryer, planning to run back up the stairs.

Donna must've known this because she laughed, "Go up there and fall into my trap, dink!"

Eric then hesitated, unsure of going back up. And that was all she needed to catch him. Before Eric knew it, he was pinned to the freezer, Donna pressing her body against his. She smiled, kissing his lips, "Gotcha."

And then Kelso walked over to them, laughing, "Yeah, you sure did get me!"

Eric and Donna then pulled away from each other, their confused faces mirroring each other. Eric then bit his bottom lip before telling Kelso, "Um, I think she was talking to me, buddy."

Kelso laughed, waving a hand, "Oh yeah, whatever you say!"

Donna, getting annoyed, told Kelso, "I really was, Kelso."

Kelso kept on laughing.

She narrowed her eyes, demanding, "Will you stop laughing? You're starting to piss me off."

Fez nodded, "I'll say! No one even told a joke." Fez then thought for a second, "But Nina did teach me one, but it was very dirty." He then giggled, "Nina's a very dirty girl."

Donna screwed her face and told Eric bluntly, "Let me go and I'll beat the crap outta both of them."

Eric shook his head nervously, holding her closer to him and rubbing her shoulders, "Just let it go, my strawberry shortcake." He then touched her hands, tracing his fingers over her knuckles, "We should make love, not war." Hearing her nickname on her lips had her forgetting Kelso and Fez as wrapped her arms around him, smiling, "I love it when you make sense."

Just as they were about to kiss, Kelso busted out in laughing fit, "Oh you guys! You're really playing it up! I mean, milkin' every last drop from the cow!"

Donna snapped her face at him, angered all over again, "Did you just call me a cow?!"

Eric shakily warned Kelso, "Um, Kelso buddy? Don't you think you should go upstairs for a snack or something be-before Donna kills you with her bare hands?"

Donna whipped her head around to face Eric, "Are you helping him?"

Eric added quickly, "_Sexy_ bare hands."

And that was when Jackie and Hyde entered the basement from the side door. Jackie's voice was heard, screeching, "I cannot believe you, Steven! I mean, honestly!" She then zeroed in on Donna, probably because she was the only girl in the room, and spilled her complaints of the day to her, "This man is a child! No-no, a baby! All day long he complained and whined that he didn't want to go shopping! In fact, he did everything in his power to sabotage my shopping spree and now we are banned from five stores in the mall for life!"

Hyde proudly smirked, "It was a good day."

Jackie almost slapped him as she spat, "Good Day? Good DAY?! Where am I going to get my hair blowed?!"

Hyde shrugged, "I dunno 'bout yer hair, but if we're talking about yer body, you can come visit me."

Fez let out a chuckle, "Dat was a good one."

Jackie screamed before hitting Hyde repeatedly with rolled up comics that were on top of the table.

But it wasn't Hyde who jumped back in pain- it was Eric. He leaped across the room, yelling at the top of his lungs, "NOT SPIDER-MAN!"

He grabbed the comics away from Jackie's little hands and cradled them in his arms, talking to the comic books, "Don't worry. The crazy lady will never touch you again, my precious."

Donna couldn't believe it, "You love those dumb cartoon characters more than me! Like, Kelso calls me a cow, and you just stand there, giving him an out!"

Jackie screamed at Hyde, "How can I show my face back there again, Steven? How can I?"

Fez nodded, agreeing with her, "Yeth, Hyde? How can she show her face on her back?"

Eric raised his hands, telling Donna, "Strawberry shortcake, listen-"

Donna growled, "Call me that one more time and I'll twist you into a pretzel!"

Hyde finally lost his cool and shouted at Jackie, "Well, why the hell do you take me shopping to begin with?! I told you I didn't want to go! A beauty salon is no place for a man! Some guy named Fenton slipped me his number!"

Eric tried to tell Donna over the noise of voices, "Donna, what kind of a person would I be if I hated Spider-Man?! I would be no different than the rogues that fight him! I would be a Doc Octs! Or-or a green goblin!" Eric then stopped, realizing darkly, "I would be Venom."

Jackie hit Hyde's shoulder angrily, "I buy my make-up at their cosmetics store! Without it I might as well wear a mask around town because I'd look like the wicked witch of the west!"

Fez quoted, pointing at Jackie, "_I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!_"

Finally Kelso raised his hands, shouting, "Hold it! Hold it! Everybody pull yourselves together!"

Everyone stopped fighting and faced him with an irritated silence. Kelso then laughed, folding his arms across his chest, "You guys are something else. You all are really putting on the full court press to make me think you are really fighting!"

They all stared at one another, confused.

Kelso then waved his finger at them, "Oh, you all are great actors, I'll give you that!" He then pretended to be accepting an award as he chuckled, "I would like to thank the academy…"

Hyde turned toward Fez, asking him, "What the hell is Donnie Osmond talking about?"

Fez shrugged, "I do not know, but I don't think we're meeting Bob Barker anytime soon."

Kelso then continued, slowly and weirdly making his way toward the exit, as if he was a cowboy on the range, "I'll remember this elaborate plan, guys! And don't you worry!" He opened the basement door before stepping out, pointing at all of them, "I'll get you guys back for this, and don't think I won't!"

As soon as he was gone, Hyde asked Jackie, "You dated him since the beginning of the decade, what the hell is he talking about?"

A frustrated Jackie rolled her eyes, "As if I know! I'm through with that clutz!" She then gestured at him, "And moved on to another clutz!"

Fez sat down glumly, "I guess no one will be telling me to 'Come on Down'."

Eric ran over to Donna, gently placing his comics back on the table, "Look, Donna-"

Donna stepped away from him, "Don't you 'Look Donna' me, you dink! All you care about are your stupid comics, your stupid toys and stupid Star Wars! I could get run over by a freight train tomorrow and you wouldn't care!"

Eric shook his head, saying gently, "Don't be ridiculous, sweetheart."

Fez added, "Yeah, Point Place has no freight trains he can push you into."

Donna stared at Fez coldly for a few seconds before the foreigner sunk in his seat, mumbling, "I'll be quiet now."

Kelso then popped his head back in, laughing, "Are you guys planning your next prank?!"

All of them groaned, all sitting in their usual spots in the basement as Kelso laughed, "No, seriously! 'Cause if it's taking you all this long to decide, it must be a wicked burn!"

Hyde grumbled at him, "Kelso, the only prank anyone is playing on anyone is the one where you are pranking yourself."

Kelso then stopped, impressed, "Wait a minute…so no one was playing a prank on me but me?" He then shoved his hands in his pockets, laughing, "Good one!"

Eric pulled Donna toward the ice box. He just knew that he needed to get her to calm down and focus on him.

Once they were in their little corner of the basement, Eric tried talking to her calmly, "Donna, I know that sometimes-"

Donna was still rolling in her anger, "This is the third time in two days that you shove me aside for whatever it is you nerds like! This morning, instead of fooling around, I had to sit through a two hour lecture of what 'the force' is and how it's related to everyday life outside of Star Wars! And why?! Because I made the comment that technically it's not real!"

Eric's eyebrows were popping every which way as he harshly whispered, "What do you mean 'not real'? The Force is as powerful and as real as you or me! Didn't you pay attention?! It's an intricate, invisible energy that-"

Donna started tapping her foot, warning him, "I am seriously seven seconds away from slapping you."

Eric held onto his words with all his might, shutting his mouth closed.

Meanwhile Hyde tried to coax Jackie to go in his room, but she was having none of it, spatting, "Why on earth would I go inside there with you? You don't deserve a reward from me; you've been awful all day!"

Hyde tried to be suave, "Jackie, we've both had a rough day. And I know I've been a bit more edgier than usual, so I propose we go to my room, shut out these people, and be in our own little world. We'll be isolated from them, just the two of us. And we'll strip to our birthday suits for this momentous occasion and I'll get you to relax."

She looked very tempted.

He then took that as his cue to rub her shoulders soothingly, "You do look tense."

Her eyes then flashed with energy as a devious smile curved to her face, "You're good, Steven. Too bad I'm not crawling into that cot with you tonight, or any other night this week."

Hyde's face dropped as she continued, "Besides, if you're feeling so lonely, you can give Fenton a call."

On the other side of the basement, Donna then continued, "And if that wasn't painful enough, for our date last night you had me building Lego-starships with you."

Eric couldn't believe his ears. He said breathlessly, "How's that not a great date? You said we had to start sharing our passions together so that our love could grow stronger! And what can I be more passionate about then Legos?"

Donna stepped back, realizing, "Ohmygod…I'm engaged to a five year old."

Eric shook his head, "No! I'm not five!"

Donna sighed, "Then what else what you call it, having a hot girl in a red nightie right next to you, helping build the Millennium Falcon- Deluxe Edition."

Eric stopped, thinking.

She did have a point.

And then Kelso, who was looking through some boxes in the back of the basement, jumped back into the front of the basement, laughing, "Oh, oh you guys got me good! You all had me going!" He then produced the 1976 calendar, pointing at one of the small boxes that was meant to represent a day, "That's today!"

Fez got up and looked at the box Kelso was pointing at. He then told everyone, "He thinks it's April 1st."

Hyde was beginning to lose it, "Kelso, that calendar is two years old! It's not April-" Hyde then stopped. He then looked around at everyone in the room before asking Kelso slowly, "Why are you so adamant that we're pranking you, Kelso?"

Kelso chuckled a little sadly before admitting, "Because all you have been ignoring me for each other and I know you guys wouldn't do that unless it was all a prank."

The five of them all rested their eyes on Kelso silently before Eric stepped toward him, clapping, "He…he got us gang!"

Jackie asked Hyde impatiently, "What were we doing?"

Hyde mumbled at her, "Just go along."

Fez started clapping too, "Oh, yeth. Uh, definitely!"

Donna then nodded, "April Fools, Kelso."

Jackie followed Donna's lead, "April Fools, Michael."

They all then patted his back and shoulders, telling him that it was all joke. Kelso couldn't help but hug each and every one of his friends, laughing, "See! I knew you guys weren't really fighting! It was all a gag and to think you all tried to fool me!"

And they all played along and told him he was right.

Later on that day, they took him to the movies, bowling, and Funland. As far as Kelso could tell, it was the best April Fools day ever…even if it was technically June 4th, 1978.


End file.
